‘But God said ‘Judge not’!’ ‘I am trying to draw her to God’. I’d like to call this ‘Missionary Dating’ or ‘Evangelical Relationship’ where a Christian decides to date a non-Christian hoping to change them. ‘How are we so sure the so-called ‘brothers’ in Church are truly born again?’ ‘I’ve heard cases of workers in Church cheating, sleeping around etc. So since I can’t trust even the believers, I might as well date an unbeliever and by the way, the so called unbeliever I am dating behaves better and is more morally upright than all these ‘speerees”. ‘He’ll change!’ ‘I’m fasting and praying for her and now she has reduced from 1 pack of Benson Lights to 4 sticks per day… ‘These are a few of the numerous excuses we spurt out in quick response to any admonition on dating an unbeliever.
This topic has been hot on my mind for a while and now I have decided to share my ideas, concerns, questions on it. What really does it mean not to be unequally yoked? Is it really so bad to date an unbeliever if we have made it perfectly clear to them what is and what is not acceptable, that is, no sex, not touching, no kissing, no hugging (hehehe…you catch my drift)? What of popular born again couples who end up separating or even worse still, getting a divorce? Does that go to prove the ‘unworthwhileness’ of dating fellow born again Christians?
It broke my heart to tiny little smithereens when I discovered Randy and Paula White were getting a divorce. Those where my sentiments exactly when I also heard of the Benny Hinn divorce as well as that of Juanita Bynum who apparently was being physically abused by her ‘born again’ husband. Now before you throw daggers my way, I am absolutely not judging! I am simply trying to air the views of those who are puzzled by the whole ‘date only a believer’ theory and the truth in or fallacy of the happy ever after prediction of life with a believer for a partner.
It has always been my belief that when confused, look to the Word. The Word of God stands immutable. His Word is Truth (John 17:17). So what exactly does the Bible say about dating an unbeliever? Does it actually say anything or is everyone simply making rules up? 2 Corinthians 6:14 says: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Now, I remember someone has shed light on this scripture to me before. Let me attempt to reproduce the knowledge I received.
When the Bible says ‘yoke’, it refers to the days where oxen were used to carry stuff and they pretty much tied up the load equally on each ox’s back. The idea is that they each shared an equal weight of the entire load. Now imagine one ox having to carry 15kg worth of load and another 50kg, how exactly would that work? Or imagine a body bulder and a weak sick person trying to share equally a weight. They would inevitably be slowed down. They would simply not be able to pull it off! This analogy is applicable to dating as the same goes for Christians and unbelievers since we have absolutely different ‘weights’ or different capabilities in carrying the weight set before us. Dating/marriage amounts to a form of togetherness where these weights are shared. However, because of the difference in viewpoints, beliefs, loves etc, the burden sharing will be akin to the 15:50 oxen issue earlier mentioned. Instead of working together to pull the load, they would be working against each other. It will simply not work! Trust me!
The same Bible also mentions that we ought not to be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’ (1 Corinthians 15:33). Dating is an intimate thing. Establishing any manner of intimacy with a sinner WILL hinder your walk with Christ. No two ways. Whilst it is easy to pull someone down, it is arduous to lift people up. And as Joyce Meyer is wont to saying, you are not Holy Spirit Junior. Do not try to save a person by dating them. At the end of the day, you both would be needing salvation! We have been called to evangelise the lost, not be intimate with them.
Get me not wrong, there is nothing wrong with building good and quality friendships with unbelievers. However, it should go no further. Imagine yourself dating an unbelieving guy who drinks, smokes, does drugs, has pre-marital sex etc, would your priority honestly remain fixed on God? Marrying an unbeliever effectively rules out any form of building up spiritual intimacy in your marriage. You might as well kiss that goodbye.
As for the people of God who after marrying believers still end up divorcing, getting battered etc, I have not the answer to that. As people in my country will say, one thing me I sha know is that God cannot lie. Also, the fact that you have picked a believer is just Step 1 n my humble opinion. There are several other hurdles to cross and you can’t just become complacent ’cause ‘at least you didn’t date the clubbing guy who was asking you out’ and instead you opted for a God loving dude. Other factors come to bear.
So there you have it…my opinion is clear. Do not be deceived. There is no joy in dating an unbeliever. It is a journey on a one way street whose final stop is spelled D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R.
On a very random note, I’m loving Benita Okojie’s new-ish song (remember her from ‘Osemudiamen’?). The song is We Ose. (click to listen). Visit my blog: http://temiville.wordpress.com/ .